Plastic in the Face

I just turned 25. Every time I get carded and the bouncer asks my age, my mouth opens to say I'm 21. Apparently my long-term memory doesn't log any age after that. Which is fine for now, because at least I look 21, if not 17. I often dress like a teenager, and my hair is never styled like a grown woman would wear it. Most of the time, I don't even brush my hair. I call it 'Beach waves'.

But. I'm starting to notice the effects of aging. 

Now, I don't smoke. I don't drink. I always protect my face from the sun. I moisturize, and I do what I can to avoid looking ragged or pruneish. 

But my eyes. They seem to be getting eye wrinkles. They're only prominent when I smile, but I think I'm starting to look James Franco-y when that happens.

I promised my bff (best boyfriend forever) that I wouldn't ever have cosmetic plastic surgery. And I don't want to, really. I'm terrified. There's so many garbage faces out there, women who threw out the eyes and mouth and noses they inherited from their ancestors, only to adopt scary plastic masks that look, at best, not like them at all. 

These plastic faces seem to mimic representations of beauty that are prevalent and enjoyed, even by me: 

Eyebrow lift,  nose upturning, eye expansion

  +

Total facelift, cheek injections, heart-shaping of the face

=

Source: GUP Magazine

Japanese anime doesn't even include noses in its characters much of the time. But Michael Jackson accidentally proved that cutting your nose down to 1/8th of its size is a very poor idea. When it gets that small, it looks like a hangnail. 

I'm never going to have a cute little nose, I'll never have eyes that take up half my face. I appreciate the aesthetic on Bambi, but I'm a real person, and I should probably stay that way. 

Because once I get started, I'll probably end up looking like this:

It looks like a glamour shot from Toddlers and Tiaras. And nobody wants that, unless you're a stage mom or an eager 5-year-old princess. (What is wrong with this world? Also, I kind of like my blush colour here. Ugh I'm the worst.)

Matching, Clashing, and Fashion

Please meet our stylish contestants for the 1970s version of...

Fashion Your Room!

These wonderful ladies each have a distinct personality. It's up to us (by us I mean me) to find the perfect room decor to suit their style. And then Photoshop them into place. And then it's your job to mouse over the image and be amazed.

I admit, the 1970s were kind of extreme (and often ugly), which is why it's all so fascinating to me. High necklines, prints, medieval sleeves, bellbottoms; everything so brutal, garish, outrageous... no wonder the 80s were so bonkers. They had to find a way to top the previous decade.

Even the trends in interior decor involved overwhelming colours of wall paint, rugs, ephemera, assembled to really make an impact. Like a mallet to your brain. To be clear, I could never live in such a place, and I don't condone it. But it's so much fun to look at!
 

And now, on to our lovely ladies.

            
   Shelly

  Age: 28

  Profession: Interpretive Dance Instructor

  Hobbies: Geometry and Lamp collecting

  Favourite Drink: Cherry Cola

  Guilty Pleasure: Swinging on the weekends

Unveiling, the perfect room to match Shelly! Mouse over to see her in it.

         

   Margo

  Age: 21

  Profession: Veterinarian

  Hobbies: Parasailing and Making jewelry

  Favourite Hangout: In a tree

  Guilty Pleasure: Wearing sunglasses inside

Here is the room for Margo! Mouse over to see her in it.

         

  Linda

  Age: 25

  Profession: Opera Singer

  Hobbies: Space Invaders and Gardening

  Favourite Food: Strawberry sauce fondue

  Guilty Pleasure: Blackjack

Check out Linda in her killer living room!

         

  Rita

  Age: 29

  Profession: Carpenter

  Hobbies: Winemaking and jousting

  Favourite Music: Organ music

  Guilty Pleasure: She never feels guilty

Here's Rita, in her serious serious chamber:

       

  Terry and Mary

  

  Age: 24

  Profession: Nurses

  Hobbies: Checkers and Double dates

  Favourite Nightspot: The Disco

  Guilty Pleasure: Knitting each other vests!



Since Terry and Mary are inseparable pals, here's the perfect pad for the pair:

This was essentially a one-player game, but thanks for coming along for the ride. The women were sourced from my 1972 Joan Fisher's Guide to Needlecraft, and the decor was taken from something like Interior Decorating on a Budget (1970s).

I have a small amount of OCD. Like many people. And I love matching things up, because it makes me feel complete in some way. Steady. 

However, my clothes never match. I was actually having a conversation about this with my very fashionable friend Victoria. She basically said, "It's funny how some people think that wearing everything in their closet in a random arrangement means they're on the cutting edge of high fashion." (Visit some hipster fashion blogs and you'll know what we mean). 

 I completely agree with her. But don't get me wrong. Mismatching is totally legit. Check this: I've been mismatching my clothes since I was 6, and it's because I wear what feels flattering and exciting, and if the colours do it for me. Even someone as lazy as I am can put together a completely clashing outfit. And I'm pretty sure I don't deserve a pat on the back for that. 

But I'll take an iced tea, if you've got it.