Pet Your Pet

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I have been very busy finishing our short film 'Dundas Street' with my film partner, getting it ready for an upcoming deadline. Now that it's essentially done, I can recommit myself to being whimsical and charming for people of the internet. Once in a while, when I feel like it. Promise.

Now that all sass has been replenished, I have some fresh meat to lay down. And when I say fresh meat, I mean animals. But not to eat. I could never eat a dog or a horse, because they make me soft and stupid inside. I love them so much. 

Back to animals. Troy Emery and Jason Freeny. Who are these jokers? Answer: They are artists, who happen to be imaginatively clever. 

Troy Emery is amazing. He uses neon pompoms (probably my favourite medium) to create magical animal sculptures. Stripes, proportion play, colour blocking, and more!

© Troy Emery

© Troy Emery

© Troy Emery

© Troy Emery

© Troy Emery

Unfortunately, I sort of feel like Nicki Minaj or someone equally caustic would wear something like this.

Oh look, she already has:

via JustJared

But why would that cheapen my love for Emery's work? Emery's detailed patterning is gorgeous, and there's nothing like a real huggable rainbow.

One of his dogs is better than a pet because it's just as soft, but doesn't lick its own genitals before licking your face. Plus a real dog would like a miserable clown if you gave it a dyed technicolour coat.

And here we have Jason Freeny, a cunning sculpturist. My oh my. One of his projects is comprised of deconstructed vinyl toys, with inner anatomy on display.

Little bones, little heart, little intestines. And you could easily get away with calling it a adult toy. It's mature, it's scientific (fictionally scientific, but I'll side-step the oxymoron).

© Jason Freeny

Did you know that My Little Pony has bell-bottom foot bones? (I did. But that's an obvious one.)

© Jason Freeny

Did you know that a Care Bear is composed of more than just care?

© Jason Freeny

And now, a dough animal. But he's more than just dough! There's a pelvis in there too. Now we can find the origin of his 'woo hoo' sound. 

Frankentoys & Regretsy

As you probably already know, Etsy is an awesome marketplace for crafters and artists to sell their works (and I buy from it constantly). But if you've ever searched through listings on Etsy, you'd see that it's definitely hit and miss. And that's where Regretsy comes in.

Regretsy showcases the best of the worst of Etsy goods, and I mean that as a compliment. Your shit is probably bananas-bad if it's on Regretsy, and I think it's exciting to cause such an effect with your work. Which leads us to Frankentoys. 

Yes, Frankentoys has been featured on Regretsy, but I honestly don't think the works by Frankentoys are awful in a pitiful sad way. Actually, they're terrible in the best way possible! Unexpected toy juxtapositions, sewn together in ridiculous and wonderful ways. This is art, my friends, whether you like it or not. Clever, unpretentious, and hilarious. 

Red Carpet Chupacabra (69.95 USD)

Jurassic Jane (42.00 USD)

Death by Dolphin (42.50 USD)

Plus all of these toys have been rescued and repurposed, which fits with the idea of living more greenly, right? I remember when I was a wee little girl, I would recycle the strangest things to make new masterpieces. Snakeskin shoulder pads? Turned them into a flashy purse for my 10-year-old self. But I've got nothing on Frankentoys creator Rachel Peters. And I hope she doesn't Regret(sy) making these beauties. God, that last joke was awful.