Sweet Easter Overdose

The pisanki we make at home usually look endearing enough (in their special homegrown way). But if they took a trip to MAC Cosmetics and got a free makeover, and then were airbrushed and photoshopped a bunch, they might be able to look like these glamour queens:

Tapeciarnia.pl

Of course, to diversify our egg basket, we throw in a couple of wooden Easter eggs (usually painted by old ladies of the Polish Folk persuasion). These can be found in Roncesvalles and other Polish stores around the GTA. 

Or, you know, the Tatry mountains in Poland. 

by Parisot Martine

They're like jewellery! I really want a crown of these wooden eggs, just to wear. My local hipsters will accuse me of being a hipster, but then I'll win them over by showing them how to make their own egg crown.

By the way, did you know that Kinder Surprise Eggs are banned in the US? It's because they're classified as "a confectionery product with a non-nutritive object imbedded in it." I had no idea! They also don't sell ketchup chips there, but that's a whole other issue. 

Unfortunately, their toy collections the past few years have been kind of lackluster. Come one Kinder, bring back the gnomes...

by Poodlefifi via Flickr

...or at least put out some more cute mechanized anthropomorphized objects. Like this pizza oven monster:

via Chocoegg

I'm assuming you've eaten way too many fondant-filled Cadbury Creme Eggs over the weekend, (by the way, even one is too many), so you're probably going through a corn syrup withdrawal right now. 

As usual, I'm here to save the day. Feast your eyes on this super sweet KidRobot Munny, which has been customized to look like a Kinder Egg: 

Customization by Peevee

I wanna take a bite outta that face. 

Except the plastic would taste gross. And wouldn't melt in my mouth. So fine, I wouldn't take a bite. 

But I'm still tempted.

Our Bodies, Ourselves

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Kinda NSFW

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I came across Anders Krisár's art recently, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

The Birth of Us (Boy), 2007 by Anders Krisár (fiber glass, oil paint, hardware)

As always with art, you can indulgently analyze, and rave to others about an artist's work... and just like telling someone about a dream you had, often they don't care about why it matters to you. So I'll do my best to spare you the intricacies of my deep, spiritual (magical, unicorn, etc) connection with his work. 

Cuirass (Front), 2005 by Anders Krisár
(silicone, fiber glass, oil paint, mdf, plastic padding, metal screws)

However, I will say this much: I flatter myself thinking that if I like it, the work must be incredible. So yes, according to my roaring human instincts, Anders Krisár's work is amazing. Powerful and daring, while avoiding coming across as forced or juvenile. Thunderous emotion, achieved simply and peacefully. 

Untitled, 2006 by Anders Krisár (bronze, beeswax, electrical heater)

Ok, I broke my silence there, just a bit. For the most part, I truly feel that nothing more needs to be said, and that's a top drawer compliment. 

Flesh Cloud Series by Anders Krisár

Flesh Cloud Series by Anders Krisár

And now... a special treat! Krisar's work is reminiscent of Hannah Wilke's S.O.S. (Starification Object Series) [a bit NSFW]. I have written about her work many times before, in analog form, and she's been a long favored artist of mine. 

 

In the S.O.S. Starification Object Series (1974) little clitoris shapes are made in
chewing gum folds that are placed all over Wilke's body like small scars or bites.

Ms. Wilke passed away in 1993 of lymphoma, and while her work is appreciated and celebrated in prominent galleries, I (totally flattering myself again) feel like it's my personal duty to continue sharing her mesmerizing, clever, gutsy feminist art.

Cubic Mouth + Disney

Imagine Mickey Mouse. 

In your mind, strip him of his easy-go-lucky persona. His giddy smile. His debonair charm. 

Then bake him in the oven in a geometric mold. Give him a 26er of vodka, and a license to kill. Add sassy red lipstick.

These are the scariest, most mesmerizing graphics Disney has ever signed off on. Satoshi Fumihara is the artist responsible for these beautiful treasures. Only in Japan, would this ever happen. Money talks, I guess. If the people of Japan wanted to see Minnie with red square lips, they've successfully gotten their way! (Honestly, they even have a Mickey Mouse vibrator over there).

I love it. Love love it all. 

And check out the completely hammered Dale, of Chip 'n' Dale fame. 

These products haven't quite trickled their way over to North America, even via eBay. So that means I'm yearning for them that much harder. 

This seems like a mature way to depict Disney characters. Geometric & soulless. 

This is the future. 

At least, it's my future... because I'll be decking out my bedroom with this theme.

In fact, I love Fumihara's designs so much that as a visual experiment, I decided to personally extend the look to a few more lovable Disney characters: 

Dopey (of Snow White fame)

Dumbo (precious flying elephant)

               

Bambi (cutie extraordinaire)

They do look slightly more psychopathic now... but it's a step up from hiding behind a beauty pageant smile. Cheers, Disney.

Badass Needlepoint

There's totally such a thing, and it's not just for men (contrary to popular belief... or, you know, Rosey Crier's book):

Total Badass

Lately in my sparest of spare time, I've been working on my own badass cowboy cross-stitch, and hopefully I'll finish it sometime this year. That's the hilarious thing about needlepoint; unless you have months of free time on your hands, it becomes a daunting, haunting project. Teasing you, even in your dreams with its half unfinished body, like a thread + canvas zombie.

Which is what makes these pieces that much more impressive:

Brigid Berlin's Tabloid Needlepoint Pillows (via Apartment Therapy)

I Snorted My Dad and Well Hung would look incredible on my living room couch! (I'd have to buy them with some fake bars of gold, considering they're prized works of art). 

This recombined needlepoint pillow pretty badass too. Keep in mind that the artist didn't do the dirty stitchwork himself, but actually repurposed vintage pieces. Seriously gorgeous outcome, regardless.

Frederique Morrel's recombined vintage cushion

And here are some sweet cushiony vice pillows. I like Hugs and Drugs, they make a nice pair.

Needlepoint Pillow by Jonathan Adler (via Whorange)

At least they would make you feel better, after your fingers fall off from all that needlepointing. Hugs... or Drugs. Either would work.