Pet Your Pet

Listen:

I have been very busy finishing our short film 'Dundas Street' with my film partner, getting it ready for an upcoming deadline. Now that it's essentially done, I can recommit myself to being whimsical and charming for people of the internet. Once in a while, when I feel like it. Promise.

Now that all sass has been replenished, I have some fresh meat to lay down. And when I say fresh meat, I mean animals. But not to eat. I could never eat a dog or a horse, because they make me soft and stupid inside. I love them so much. 

Back to animals. Troy Emery and Jason Freeny. Who are these jokers? Answer: They are artists, who happen to be imaginatively clever. 

Troy Emery is amazing. He uses neon pompoms (probably my favourite medium) to create magical animal sculptures. Stripes, proportion play, colour blocking, and more!

© Troy Emery

© Troy Emery

© Troy Emery

© Troy Emery

© Troy Emery

Unfortunately, I sort of feel like Nicki Minaj or someone equally caustic would wear something like this.

Oh look, she already has:

via JustJared

But why would that cheapen my love for Emery's work? Emery's detailed patterning is gorgeous, and there's nothing like a real huggable rainbow.

One of his dogs is better than a pet because it's just as soft, but doesn't lick its own genitals before licking your face. Plus a real dog would like a miserable clown if you gave it a dyed technicolour coat.

And here we have Jason Freeny, a cunning sculpturist. My oh my. One of his projects is comprised of deconstructed vinyl toys, with inner anatomy on display.

Little bones, little heart, little intestines. And you could easily get away with calling it a adult toy. It's mature, it's scientific (fictionally scientific, but I'll side-step the oxymoron).

© Jason Freeny

Did you know that My Little Pony has bell-bottom foot bones? (I did. But that's an obvious one.)

© Jason Freeny

Did you know that a Care Bear is composed of more than just care?

© Jason Freeny

And now, a dough animal. But he's more than just dough! There's a pelvis in there too. Now we can find the origin of his 'woo hoo' sound. 

Art School, Cool Fools

The best part of being an art student is getting away with anything. Nothing is of major consequence; you're not trying to sell your work or please a client to pay your rent. In fact, you're the one paying a school to nurture your creativity, foster your ideas. Often those ideas are strange, confusing... experiments [mistakes].

I wish I cared a bit less when I was in school. I was such a hard ass, very strict with my brain. I really didn't like the idea of making mistakes. If only I relaxed a bit, maybe I'd have come up with something as heartwrenchingly exciting as these stunners:

This is my favourite, elephant aaaaaaaarrmmmmm

I mean it. I think these are incredible. It's like jumping off the roof into a pool of garage sale. I'm getting itchy just looking at them. 

To be fair, the designers are fashion students at a top school in England. They need press and notoriety to get somewhere after grad. They probably don't have the laissez-faire attitude I'm imagining. 

Have you seen Art School Confidential? It's mandatory. That's all. 

I don't like to get into conversations about art with people who hate. There's always someone who says, my 5 year old could make this crap. And I think, but they didn't! If your 5 year old can somehow get a gallery show and sell their work successfully, that's when they'll get the seal of approval from the public. You need to join the capitalist club to be someone. It's kind of confusing (which is why I try to avoid talking about it altogether).  

But then there are those under appreciated, quiet artists who don't get the recognition they deserve. Don't worry, when I'm rich enough I'll buy their art and support those stars. Or just blog about them behind their backs.


(Student designs on the runway at the Royal College of Art Graduate Show June 2, 2011)

Matching, Clashing, and Fashion

Please meet our stylish contestants for the 1970s version of...

Fashion Your Room!

These wonderful ladies each have a distinct personality. It's up to us (by us I mean me) to find the perfect room decor to suit their style. And then Photoshop them into place. And then it's your job to mouse over the image and be amazed.

I admit, the 1970s were kind of extreme (and often ugly), which is why it's all so fascinating to me. High necklines, prints, medieval sleeves, bellbottoms; everything so brutal, garish, outrageous... no wonder the 80s were so bonkers. They had to find a way to top the previous decade.

Even the trends in interior decor involved overwhelming colours of wall paint, rugs, ephemera, assembled to really make an impact. Like a mallet to your brain. To be clear, I could never live in such a place, and I don't condone it. But it's so much fun to look at!
 

And now, on to our lovely ladies.

            
   Shelly

  Age: 28

  Profession: Interpretive Dance Instructor

  Hobbies: Geometry and Lamp collecting

  Favourite Drink: Cherry Cola

  Guilty Pleasure: Swinging on the weekends

Unveiling, the perfect room to match Shelly! Mouse over to see her in it.

         

   Margo

  Age: 21

  Profession: Veterinarian

  Hobbies: Parasailing and Making jewelry

  Favourite Hangout: In a tree

  Guilty Pleasure: Wearing sunglasses inside

Here is the room for Margo! Mouse over to see her in it.

         

  Linda

  Age: 25

  Profession: Opera Singer

  Hobbies: Space Invaders and Gardening

  Favourite Food: Strawberry sauce fondue

  Guilty Pleasure: Blackjack

Check out Linda in her killer living room!

         

  Rita

  Age: 29

  Profession: Carpenter

  Hobbies: Winemaking and jousting

  Favourite Music: Organ music

  Guilty Pleasure: She never feels guilty

Here's Rita, in her serious serious chamber:

       

  Terry and Mary

  

  Age: 24

  Profession: Nurses

  Hobbies: Checkers and Double dates

  Favourite Nightspot: The Disco

  Guilty Pleasure: Knitting each other vests!



Since Terry and Mary are inseparable pals, here's the perfect pad for the pair:

This was essentially a one-player game, but thanks for coming along for the ride. The women were sourced from my 1972 Joan Fisher's Guide to Needlecraft, and the decor was taken from something like Interior Decorating on a Budget (1970s).

I have a small amount of OCD. Like many people. And I love matching things up, because it makes me feel complete in some way. Steady. 

However, my clothes never match. I was actually having a conversation about this with my very fashionable friend Victoria. She basically said, "It's funny how some people think that wearing everything in their closet in a random arrangement means they're on the cutting edge of high fashion." (Visit some hipster fashion blogs and you'll know what we mean). 

 I completely agree with her. But don't get me wrong. Mismatching is totally legit. Check this: I've been mismatching my clothes since I was 6, and it's because I wear what feels flattering and exciting, and if the colours do it for me. Even someone as lazy as I am can put together a completely clashing outfit. And I'm pretty sure I don't deserve a pat on the back for that. 

But I'll take an iced tea, if you've got it.

The 1960s: Now with less logic

This has been very 60s month. And while yes, I do feel like I'm getting all senior citizen-y (see: needlepoint), I'm actually referring to the visual research we've been doing at the studio. My eyes have only been grazing on all that is Mod, Parisian, and Optical Art.

I've been loving that era since I was in the womb. Honestly, I was born with my hair in a beehive. My tolerance for the wackiness of the 60s is pretty high. High as a hippy.

Sure, everything from the 60s is ridiculous in a way; Men's turtlenecks, paper dresses, and a love of polyester/plastic. While I've been scouring for inspiration and references, once in a while something truly ridiculous made its way to me. 

Such as this beautiful hat:

For those sunny summer days, when you don't need a real hat because your arm is willing to do the work for you.

And there's this lovely ensemble:

Next time, I'm not going to stop after three squares of chocolate. I'm going to eat the whole damn bar, and then put on this dress. 'Yes ma'am, I believe I do have a perfect figure. Well, one leg is more than enough for me.'

And these delightful sunglasses:

I know what you're thinking. But Lady Gaga was born in 1986, she didn't invent this style. It's all registered trademark of the 60s!

And I'd like one of these swim caps for my birthday, please (just in time for beach season):

Nobody will even try to pinch my butt or make fun of my cellulite, because it looks like I'm always watching. (Or sleeping, or meowing, or just... you know, sticking my tongue out).

Now this is a tricky picture:

I feel like.... it's breastnotizing me. But the lack of nipple is jarring.

There, I fixed it. It's a whole new you! You're welcome.

I feel so... alive. I've postmodernized pop art, and the adrenaline rush is unbelievable. I just can't stop.

And on that note, I'll leave you with the delightful game of Orgy:

Vintage Ad from Playboy